Dear Pearl,

Linguini's dreams are of the more lyrical variety, Pearl.  His tigers dance with soft edged beauties in rooms filled with tropical plants and Mediterranean breezes.  The horror of Mordechai's dreams is worrisome!  Are you quite sure he is religiously tippling that wine AFTER dreaming or before?  I would investigate, Pearl, so that you are never in the awkward position of seeming to support with friendship a degenerate's dark habit. . .

I Remain as Always, Your Devoted Miss Blue