Dear Pearl,

Well, I can see how you made the association, Pearl. The Pied Piper and our intruder, I mean. But as he regains his strength, our visitor is vehemently denying any connection with the Hamelin musician. His odd clothing, he says, is the Tonio costume he wore in the Pagliacci featuring Linguini in the title role. Linguini did not recognize his old cast mate at first. But once he saw him bathed and shaved and given more appropriate clothing, Linguini happily endorsed Franco's claims. They even harmonized Put on the Motley for our Christmas Eve party.

Oh what a dreadful world we live in, Pearl, when a baritone in leggings is forced to live the life of a common vagrant from time to time. Thank goodness for you and me and our willingness to hire all manner of individuals - great and small - into household service.  As a Christmas present to myself, I have taken on Franco as my own dear chauffeur. I shall not be bothered with mechanical things - levers, clutches, dials, wheels - at all in the coming year. That is my New Year's resolution. Oh. And world peace.

I Remain, As Always, Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Miss Blue,

Mice supping amid the cheese and wine, sharing the dried bits and pieces with the Intruder - possible relative of the long ago Pied Piper of Hamelin, who rid the village of its rats and mice only to be chased out of town when the Mayor refused him the payment that had been agreed upon. And so the Pied Piper, in sly and cruel retaliation, piped so that the little village children followed him, clapping their hands to the Pied Piper's enchanting beat on their way to the promised land, then disappearing inside a giant door in the side of a mountain, never to be seen or heard of again. The Intruder and the Pied Piper. Foul Play all around, I would say.

Pearl

Dear Pearl,

I apologize for my tardiness in getting back to you, Pearl. The household has been in total disarray and Louise on the verge of leaving since Monday. A peculiar smell had permeated the entire ground floor, the clothes chute was clogged, and the occasional groan was heard coming from the general direction of the old cheese making wing of the cellar. By the time General Confusion arrived I was at my wits' end. The holidays are just around the corner, after all, and a hostess does so want things to be perfect. The General immediately declared a state of War Against Disorder and went over the grounds with a fine tooth comb. Imagine equal parts horror and relief when he reported his Mission Accomplished. Some poor creature, it seems, had found his way into the cheese cellar and stowed his meagre possessions in the laundry chute. He was half dead from hunger and had become an object of curiosity to the mice who live in the old Limburger molds. Naturally we are doing all we can to restore him to health. Louise is sure she will catch something if we let him upstairs. So his meals are lowered down to him through the clothes chute. Charity begins at home, I always say.

I Remain Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Miss Blue,

Yes, it is true; the Alto Voice has forever been known for its seductive nuances. We, of the Alto bent, know the many ways we have had to arm ourselves against the panting hordes; at times, squeezing our throats when notes demanded an even deeper voice!I am astounded, Miss Blue, to learn of the tampering with the vocal folds by the Charlatan Sing Sing Song. I remember SSS from my old Brooklyn days. His business then was sorting and weighing the dirty laundry we plunked down on the counter of his small Laundry Business. We always stood there as we waited, humming - in our alto voices - the newest Broadway Showstopper. He was obviously drawn to us; leaning far over the narrow counter as he absentmindedly fondled the many shirts and things we had brought to be washed and ironed. And now, years later, Sing Sing Song, Chemist.

(Did Frank Sinatra find the Lozenges helpful? I heard him sing Old Man River at the Watergate Concert on the Potomac River. We all held our breath as he gripped the microphone and bent his knees; he seemed surprised and relieved to hear the wild clapping from a grateful audience after he had sung the final note.)

Pearl Seductive Sometimes Still

Dear Pearl,

We have been playing Christmas carols all morning, Pearl, in preparation for the charity holiday buffet we are hosting this weekend for the Glee Club. Oh, the sopranos are in fine shape (thank you for asking). We are raising money to help the altos with the hefty legal fees they've incurred recently. I've been sworn most strenuously to secrecy. But I can say that almost the entire section has been implicated in a larynx loosening scandal. Some say nearly half of the singers we know as altos are, in fact, true sopranos who have deepened their voices using illegal lozenges provided by the unscrupulous voice coach Sing Sing Song. He has promoted the idea that an alto voice is much preferred by wealthy men seeking a lifetime companion. Why the girls fell for such nonsense is beyond me! Everyone knows that Ari was completely besotted with Maria Callas until she stopped singing! And what about Marilyn Monroe's high squeaky little voice? Men were completely gaga over her! At any rate, the Glee Club is struggling to perform its evening Christmas Sing-A-Long's without harmony. Talk about Silent Night!

I Remain Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Miss Blue,

How enlightened you are, Miss Blue, supplying Einstein's Theory as it so aptly applies to the Small Horse! After studying the facts re. the Small/Petite Horse, I find it much too complicated for me, and for that matter, Maizie, to wonder which is the better choice. Therefore, I will cease the search for the replacement of my ever loyal and beloved Maizie, the Dog Sled Dog of my Heart.  And, upon further consideration, I shall set aside the Norwegian Dog Sled, possibly donating the Sled to the Norwegian Museum in Decorah, Iowa. I noticed, when I visited there a few years ago, No Norwegian Dog Sled on display! Shocking! Maizie will continue to be loved for her frisky nature and occasional need to retrieve something.

Pearl at Peace for Now or Later

Pearlkins,

Do be careful about the horse you choose, won't you, dear? There are small horses. And then there are small horses. What did Einstein say about that? Oh yes. It's all relative. Very savvy about horses, he was, for an intellectual!

I Remain Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Pearl,

Caspian? Darling, Caspian was the mischievous monkey who tossed the better part of a king's ransom from the balcony of the counting house before the vicar apprehended him. He was later tried by the Arab judge to no avail. Caspian just mimicked every movement, every facial expression the good judge made. A total mockery of justice, you could say. He is still at large somewhere I'm sure. I insisted that he leave the household, of course. Can you blame me?

I Remain Your Devoted Miss Blue

Fear Not Miss Blue,

You fret needlessly.  I have, long since, anticipated the Retriever Dog's capriciousness on our many trips back and forth here in the snowy neighborhood. The occasional audacious crow stopping to poke over some small morsel fallen from a toddler's sticky mittened hand, gobbles hurriedly before taking off, turning sideways to utter a laughing Crow Caw Caw. Insulting to Maizie, the crow laughing! I am, at the present time, looking around for a small horse. I will name him Caspian when I find him. (the name Caspian seems to ring a bell. I wonder why. . .)

Will you visit the Saints Alive Rest Home any time soon? I am wondering if the Brothers are serving the Vernor's Ginger Ale, made in large oak barrels by elves and thought to be addictive to those with weak constitutions.And will you and Fanny be making any of the classic Christmas candies and cakes? I have not started my very popular Fruit Cake. I am taking orders here in the building for the small size cakes. Shall I reserve one for you?

Pearl In Jolly Times

Dear Pearl,

I was alarmed to hear of your dogsledding accident, Pearl, and urge you again - for the umpteenth time - to consider upgrading your mammal to the more disciplined and reserved horse. The Norwegians only use dogs because they don't have room for the larger equines. With all those grand mountains and fjords limiting the boundaries of their little hamlets, they are pressed for space and need to consider the compactness of their animals. Dinosaurs, for example, were never welcomed in Norway. I shudder to think how much more damage might have occurred with the distractible Maizie in the harness. Oh Pearl, say you will consider retiring her from the transportation field. Perhaps she could retrain as a lapdog. I have heard that lapdogs lead quite easy lives.

I Remain Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Miss Blue,
Perfect snow sledding weather here. But up until now my sturdy Norwegian Dog Sled has been in the shop for repairs. Maizie, in her dog excitement the other day, yanked at her harness so hard that I am grateful that her neck wasn't broken. In the event, she stumbled on a high snow bank, cracking one of the sled's runners. The villagers sprang to our assistance with kind words and offers to help, patting Maizie's nose and at the same time, scolding her for forgetting her duty as a Dog Sled Dog. I think it was all too distracting for Maizie, remembering the image of the Handsome Squirrel in his beautiful Peruvian Wool Sweater.

I have allowed Maizie to keep the Squirrel Picture you sent next to her bed as solace and comfort in her disgrace. She really is contrite about the whole episode. Her excellent breeding requires the utmost of contriteness.

Pearl with Love

Dear Pearl,

I have checked our friend Melba into the Saints Alive Rest Home. It is run by the teetotalling Christian Brothers who will make certain she gets no alcohol whatsoever. They will serve her the ginger ale version of communion wine when necessary.  Her roommate is a most interesting fellow. He calls himself Father Time. The brothers are uncertain whether he is the genuine article or just a delusional old fellow. I'm inclined to think the former. A delusional old fellow wouldn't know the ins and outs of New Year's celebrations the world over as he does. Pearl, did you know that some cultures ring in the New Year with human sacrifice and lettuce hats? I didn't either! I hope Melba will be at Saints Alive through the month. It will be ever so interesting to see what happens in her room on New Year's Eve!

I Remain Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Cultured Pearl,

How felicitous that you mention The Elixir of Love. The harried fellow who examined Melba and Fanny called himself Dr. Dulcamara and seemed rather glib for a medical professional. Linguini recommended him. Linguini's love of the Italian repertoire is exceeded only by his fondness for Chianti. Good God, Pearl! Melba has decanted a dozen bottles of Dulcamara's prescription just since Wednesday! No wonder she's having nightmares about little red goblins! And she so recently returned from The Cure! Oh Pearl, you have saved the day with your astute and gently proffered observations. I shall put things right immediately!

Your Devoted Miss Blue

Dear Miss Blue,

How amazing, the Celery Cure. I had no idea, did you, that celery juice - extracted from the stalks of the Celery Plant - had such medicinal powers. Or is the doctor a Quack (recalling the Donizetti opera The Elixir of Love)? No wonder that Melba Sips her way through the day, the Juice being that intoxicating. The ancient Egyptians used it all the time. In fact, the pyramids could not have been built without the Celery Juice. Victorian ladies pressed little snippets of Celery Leaves in their favorite locket, discreetly sniffing the fragrance. The History of the Celery Plant is forever mysterious.

Here in the Village we are expecting heavy snow and I, for one, can hardly wait to put on my Snow Shoes once again. My Norwegian Dog Sled sits upright in my Storage Closet. I am hoping that Maizie will be available for a little run around the Village. I have been asked if I intend to show off my dog sledding prowess. And of course I will. Maizie will be excited to be the center of attention. Afterwards we will settle down in the coffee shop for hot chocolate and biscuits.Then back home with snow swirling about us to spend the evening restful and happy.